Every child experiences moments of feeling overwhelmed, upset, frustrated, or emotionally activated. In fact, all of us occasionally feel “out of sorts” when stress, disappointment, or strong emotions disrupt our sense of calm. While there are many effective emotional regulation strategies for children, one of my favorite tools comes from the world of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy.
This resource can be helpful for both children and adults. I recently used it with my own daughter and found it to be a simple yet powerful way to help her reconnect with a sense of calm. Even better, it is a skill she can continue practicing independently whenever she needs it.
What Is the EMDR Calm Place Exercise for Children?
The EMDR Calm Place exercise, also called the Safe Place or Peaceful Place resource, is a guided imagery technique used in EMDR therapy to help children develop feelings of calm, comfort, and emotional safety.
The exercise involves imagining a peaceful place, noticing positive emotions and body sensations, and sometimes using gentle bilateral stimulation, such as alternating shoulder taps or the Butterfly Hug. It is commonly used as a preparation and stabilization resource in EMDR therapy and can support emotional regulation when introduced appropriately.
Sometimes we wish we could mentally “get away” from whatever is causing stress or discomfort. The Calm, Safe, or Peaceful Place exercise allows us to do exactly that by helping us reconnect with an internal experience of comfort and calm.
By connecting to this positive experience and strengthening it with gentle bilateral stimulation (BLS), children can practice accessing a calming resource when they feel overwhelmed.
How Does Bilateral Stimulation Work in the Calm Place Exercise?
Bilateral stimulation involves alternating sensory input between the left and right sides of the body. Unlike traditional EMDR trauma processing, which may use longer or faster sets of bilateral stimulation, this resource exercise uses very slow, brief sets of tapping to reinforce calm and grounding.
Tapping can be done by:
- Crossing the arms in an “X” shape and tapping alternating shoulders (Butterfly Hug)
- Alternating taps on the thighs
- Using tactile pulsers or clickers if available
The purpose of this exercise is not to process traumatic memories. Instead, it is to help children strengthen a positive internal experience that they can return to when experiencing stress or difficult emotions.
How to Guide Your Child Through the EMDR Calm Place Exercise
The following steps can help parents introduce this calming technique in a supportive, age-appropriate way.
Choose a time when your child is relatively calm rather than highly distressed. Allow them to participate voluntarily, and remember that the goal is to create a positive experience rather than force relaxation.
Step 1: Identify a Calm or Safe Experience
Invite your child to imagine a place or experience where they felt calm, safe, peaceful, secure, or comfortable.
You might say:
“Can you think of a place where you felt really calm, safe, or relaxed?”
The place may be:
- A real place they have visited
- A favorite memory
- An entirely imaginary place
The most important guideline is that the place feels positive and is not connected to upsetting, frightening, or traumatic experiences.
Step 2: Explore the Experience Through the Senses
Help your child bring the experience to life by engaging their senses.
Ask questions such as:
- What do you see?
- What do you hear?
- Are there any smells?
- What does your body feel like in this place?
Encourage them to describe the experience in as much detail as feels comfortable.
Step 3: Notice Emotions and Body Sensations
As your child focuses on the image, ask:
“When you think about this place, what feelings do you notice?”
You can also ask:
- What feels different in your body?
- Do you notice feeling calmer, lighter, safer, or more relaxed?
The goal is to help them connect with the positive emotions and physical sensations associated with the experience.
Step 4: Strengthen the Positive Feelings With Gentle Tapping
Once your child is connected to the image and the positive feelings it creates, invite them to focus on those feelings while receiving 4 to 8 slow, alternating taps, if appropriate.
Afterward, ask:
“What are you noticing now?”
Sometimes, the positive sensations become stronger or more vivid.
If tapping feels uncomfortable or increases distress, stop the tapping. The child can continue focusing on the calming image without bilateral stimulation.
Step 5: Deepen the Calming Experience
If your child is comfortable and responding positively, continue with another short set of slow bilateral tapping while they focus on:
- Positive emotions
- Comfortable body sensations
- Helpful thoughts
Ask:
“What do you notice now?”
Allow the experience to develop naturally without pressuring your child to feel a particular way.
Step 6: Create a Calm Place Cue Word
Help your child choose a word or short phrase that represents their calm place.
Examples include:
- Calm
- Safe
- Beach
- Peace
- Cozy
- I can handle this
- My living room or couch
- Snow
Invite them to repeat the word while thinking about their calm place and noticing the positive feelings in their body.
Follow with another short set of slow tapping if appropriate.
Step 7: Practice Returning to the Calm Place
Once the calm place feels strong and accessible, invite your child to practice bringing the image to mind using their cue word.
You might ask:
“What happens when you think of your calm place again?”
This helps your child practice intentionally shifting their attention toward a calming experience.
In a clinical EMDR setting, a trained therapist may also help a child practice using the resource in response to mild distress. Parents do not need to introduce upsetting memories or situations to help their child develop this skill.
Step 8: Encourage Independent Emotional Regulation
As your child becomes more familiar with the exercise, encourage them to practice independently.
- Notice when they are feeling upset or overwhelmed.
- Think of their calm place cue word.
- Bring the calm or peaceful place to mind.
- Use slow self-tapping if it feels helpful.
- Notice any changes in their emotions or body sensations.
This practice can help children develop greater awareness of their emotions and build confidence in their ability to use coping strategies.
Step 9: Continue Building Emotional Regulation Skills
Like any emotional regulation tool, this resource becomes more familiar with practice.
Some days your child may remember to use it, and other days they may not. That’s completely normal.
The goal is not perfection or eliminating difficult emotions. Instead, it is helping children develop confidence that they have an internal resource they can return to when they feel overwhelmed.
How Parents Can Support Emotional Regulation at Home
Parents play an important role in helping children develop emotional regulation skills.
When your child becomes upset, you might gently remind them:
“What’s your calm place word?”
“Can you picture your peaceful place?”
“Would you like to try some slow butterfly taps together?”
Keep in mind that children may need connection and support from a caregiver before they can use calming strategies independently.
If your child is too overwhelmed to engage in the exercise, focus first on helping them feel supported and safe. You can return to the Calm Place resource when they are more settled.
Over time, many children may become more comfortable accessing their calming imagery and using it as part of their emotional regulation toolkit.
Why Emotional Regulation Skills Are Important for Children
Learning how to recognize and respond to emotions is an important part of childhood development.
Emotional regulation skills can help children:
- Recognize feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness, or overwhelm.
- Develop awareness of physical sensations associated with emotions.
- Practice healthy coping strategies during stressful moments.
- Build confidence in their ability to navigate difficult feelings.
- Strengthen their capacity to return to a calmer emotional state.
- Develop greater emotional awareness and resilience.
The Calm, Safe, or Peaceful Place resource is one example of how techniques used in EMDR therapy can be adapted to support emotional regulation in everyday life.
By helping children strengthen an internal sense of safety and calm, we give them a practical tool they can continue developing as they grow.
When Should Parents Seek Professional Support?
The Calm Place exercise can be a useful emotional regulation resource, but it is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment.
If your child experiences persistent anxiety, significant emotional distress, trauma-related symptoms, or ongoing difficulty regulating emotions, a trained child therapist can help determine which strategies are most appropriate.
For children with significant trauma histories, even seemingly calming imagery or bilateral stimulation may bring up uncomfortable emotions or memories. In these situations, the exercise is best introduced with guidance from a qualified EMDR therapist.
Parents should avoid forcing the exercise, introducing traumatic memories, or continuing any activity that increases their child’s distress.
The goal is to help children feel supported, not to make them responsible for managing difficult emotions on their own.
Helping Children Build a Lasting Sense of Calm
The EMDR Calm Place exercise offers children a way to practice connecting with feelings of comfort, safety, and emotional stability. Through guided imagery, sensory awareness, and optional gentle bilateral stimulation, children can begin developing a resource they may use when navigating everyday stress and strong emotions.
With patience, practice, and supportive caregivers, these skills can become a valuable part of a child’s emotional regulation toolkit.
A Note for Parents
This exercise is intended as a general emotional regulation resource and is not a substitute for trauma treatment or individualized mental health care. If your child has experienced significant trauma, anxiety, or ongoing emotional difficulties, working with a trained mental health professional can help ensure the exercise is used safely and appropriately.
Resources
- Shapiro, F. (1995). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures. The Calm/Safe Place exercise has roots in clinical hypnosis and guided imagery and was incorporated into EMDR as a preparation and stabilization resource.
- Thrive EMDR Training and Publications LLC (2025).
