Do you believe everything you think? You shouldn’t!
Our brains are wired to make connections. This helps it to work fast and efficiently. But our brains don’t get it right every time. We have to be aware of what we’re thinking because it’s too easy for our brains to make assumptions or twist thoughts to help them fit a certain narrative that it’s created.
Go through the list of thinking errors below. Make note of the ones you catch yourself doing most often. Start becoming aware of your twisted thinking and stop trusting what your brain automatically comes up with. Then, use the exercise below to help untwist these thinking errors to form more helpful, truer, and more positive thoughts.
“I completely failed my interview.”
“He’s disgusting.”
“How can I ever trust him again if he lied to me?” (Magnification)
“I just told a little lie that didn’t matter anyway.” (Minimization)
“I’ll never be able to forgive her.”
“He’s always doing that.”
“Who cares if I got the job, they’ll fire me when they find out I’m not that smart.”
“Yes, but she only did it once, I seriously doubt she’ll do it again.”
“Focusing on the B your son got on her report card rather than the 5 A’s”
“I have to do everything around the house.”
“I’m a horrible person.”
“I didn’t realize you were so stupid.”
“It’s all your fault that I got fired.”
“How am I supposed to be nice when he’s always doing that to me?”
“I deserved that promotion, not him.”
“Why should I when she never acknowledges what I do?”
“No one is ever going to love me.”
“What’s the use, why bother trying to change now.”
“I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”
“It feels like he’s doing it on purpose and I know he is.”
“You should have told me that.”
“He knows me; he should have known what to do.”
“It’s not fair he makes more money than me when I have a harder job.”
“I feel justified in acting like this.”
“He thinks I’m blowing this out of proportion and is going to break up with me.”
“She thinks I’m crazy.”
“The vacation is going to be ruined because I know it’s going to rain.”
“What if they never change?”
“That’s not the way that I would do it.”
“Your interpretation is so wrong, that’s not what happened.”
“If only he would just be cleaner, then I wouldn’t get so upset.”
“Why should I if they aren’t?”
“I feel terrible that I tutored him and he failed the test; it’s my fault.” (Internal)
“What use will it be, she’ll just leave me anyway.” (External)
It’s not easy to recognize that our thoughts are twisted and skewed. We’ve been taught to go with whatever our initial thought and feeling is. Plus, it’s easier and it feels so true! But remember, feelings are facts and thoughts aren’t completely true. We use a lens all the time through which we interpret our circumstances.
Pause and run through this 4-part exercise to practice noticing your thinking errors and learning to untwist them.
Did you decide to choose your original thought even though you came up with some alternatives? Why or why not?
Was it easy to notice any thinking errors? Ask a trusted person to help you out with this if you get stuck.
Could you come up with several other thoughts instead of your initial thought? Again, ask someone to help you if this is difficult at first. It will get easier.
Practice doing this 4-step thought exercise to begin choosing and thinking less twisted thinking! Then, notice it creates different feelings, better connections with others, and more positive experiences.
Kristi Schwegman is a psychotherapist specializing in helping couples develop healthy relationships, whether dating, engaged, or married. She also draws from her Christian-based approach to lead individuals in becoming aware of the limiting beliefs that can get them stuck.
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