This is a common complaint we hear from clients. A racing mind can be frustrating at any time of day, but it is especially disruptive when it occurs as you are trying to fall asleep and stay asleep. Stress from the day, worry, catastrophizing, rumination, and other cognitive distortions are just some of the sources of troubling thoughts that come flying in from what often feels like left field. If your thoughts are keeping you from falling asleep or staying asleep, there are tools to help.
Racing or intrusive thoughts are most often associated with stress and anxiety.
When the thoughts interfere with our sleep, it disrupts one of the most important biological events we need to properly function during the day. We become stuck in a loop of feeling over-tired and stressed, but unable to sleep, which contributes to being over-tired and stressed!
When our brain struggles to focus, we often feel unable to slow down or manage our thoughts. Bedtime is the perfect time to let go of the struggles of the day and relax, but what do we do when we can’t seem to win the “tug-of-war” with our thoughts? The answer is that we learn how to not engage in this tug-of war battle at all. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we refer to this strategy or tool as “dropping the rope.”
The SleepFoundation.org recommends that we avoid lying awake in bed more than 20 minutes. If you haven’t nodded off within 20 minutes of lying down, get up and engage in some relaxing activity: journal, read, meditate, listen to music or watching a soothing video that uses binaural or bilateral music. When you begin to feel sleepy, try to go back to bed.
This CBTi technique is called stimulus control. And, while it may sound counter-productive, engaging in a relaxing activity outside of bed instead of lying in bed trying to control the flow of thoughts, actually helps to move the brain and body towards relaxation rather than activation.
Mindfulness-based activities such as grounding, present-moment, progressive muscle relaxation, and body scan exercises, along with breathwork, and meditation, are hallmark, evidence-based tools that have shown to be incredibly effective in slowing down racing thoughts and learning how to not attach to (or engage with) those thoughts.
Think of a purple cow. Ok, now, try really hard to not think of a purple cow. It’s not easy to do!
This example is similar to what our brain tries to do when we become frustrated by the anxiety, worry, or racing thoughts that interfere with our ability to fall sleep. Paradoxically, the more we try to push away or try to stop these thoughts, the more they persist and the harder it is to let them go.
Think of your thoughts like the old “Chinese finger trap” toy (you can do a quick search if you haven’t heard of it). The more you pull and fight against the trap, the more impossible it becomes to get out of it. Our thoughts can be like that finger trap. If we try to resist them, push them away or fight with them, the more we become insnared in their trap. Well known psychologist, Carl Jung contended that “what you resist not only persists but will grow in size.”
So, what do we do about it?
We start by accepting that we are having racing thoughts. We notice them, observe them, then allow them to come and go, kind of like waves on the beach. We can also use a variety of other defusion techniques as well, like “leaves on a stream” or “clouds in the sky”. These metaphors help us to visualize letting go of the thoughts and watching them float away at their own pace. When we gently detach ourselves from our thoughts like this, they tend to move on by themselves. See #6 for what to do if some of our thoughts actually have a valid point!
To take the focus away from stressful or racing thoughts, it is critical to know how to drop out of your headspace and into your body. The body is the hub for noticing and experiencing what is actually happening in the present moment.
When your mind is focusing on regrets, ruminating, or playing out what we should have done in past scenarios, we are engaged in “past tripping.” When your mind is locked in a loop of worry, or ruminating about what we need to do tomorrow, or catastrophizing about what may come tomorrow, we are engaged in “future-tripping.”
The key is to stay in the present-moment because it is the only time we can actually choose our actions based on what we believe is the right thing to do in the present-moment.
So, what can we do when we notice we have been “hooked” by past or future thoughts? We can drop into the body and use our 5 senses to help ground us in the present moment. Below are just a few examples of how you can use your 5 senses to drop into the body and stay in the present moment. You can use these as you wind down to go to sleep to let your mind know it is time to let go, or when you wake up and cannot go back to sleep.
• Sight: Walk through a guided imagery meditation, watch a relaxing video, or just focus on a picture of a peaceful place.
• Smell: Light a scented candle, take in the smells of an aromatic tea, or use an aroma diffuser or lavender spray.
• Touch: Take a warm bath, use a weighted blanket, notice the support of your pillow or the softness of your sheets, perform a self-massage, or do some light yoga.
• Taste: Enjoy a sleep-friendly snack or drink some herbal tea
• Hearing: Listen to a guided meditation, use a sound machine, focus in on the white noise of a fan, or enjoy some instrumental music.
When we notice that our mind has been “hooked” again, we can gently remind ourselves that this is the time for sleep, and we will work through any thoughts or concerns tomorrow. See #6 for steps on how to do this.
It’s important to ensure your bedroom provides you with a relaxing space to wind down and get a good night’s sleep. Here are a few suggestions:
• Keep your bedroom neat and include furniture, colors, and textures that you find soothing, rather than stimulating.
• Keep work related things such as computers, and other screens out of the bedroom. If you can’t do that, at least turn them off so there are no distracting sounds or lights reminding you of work.
• Set your thermostat to a cool temperature and use shades or curtains as needed to keep the room dark.
• Make sure your phone is out of reach and clock lights should not be visible. You have an alarm so, that will let you know when it is time to get up. Watching the clock to see if you have enough time left to get the rest you need only increases your stress and worry.
A tool that can be very helpful if we notice our thoughts start to ramp up at night is to mindfully and intentionally “schedule” your thoughts/worries for a designated time the following day. We can remind ourselves that now is the time for sleep so we can rest and recover from the day and be refreshed and alert for tomorrow.
• At least an hour before you go to bed, write down any intrusive, racing, or worrisome thoughts you might be having. You can make a list or journal about it. Whatever works for you.
• Remind yourself that, while it is ok to have these thoughts, nighttime is just not the most useful or productive time to think about them. Nighttime is to sleep and replenish your body and mind. You are not at your best to solve anything and, even if you could, most places are closed, and most people you would need to speak with are themselves asleep.
• Make an agreement with yourself that nighttime is for rest, and you will consider this list of things sometime tomorrow morning after you have gotten up, taken a shower, connected with loved ones, had your breakfast, etc. Not only will you be rested, but your mind will be much clearer and the resources you need will be more available then. You may also find that the thoughts and worries are so distant by morning, they are no longer a pressing issue.
This infographic provides some advice for calming your brain and getting to sleep faster.
Leigh is a psychotherapist who specializes in working with clients who experience a wide range of symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and trauma. She utilizes mindfulness-based and evidence-based treatments in her practice, including ACT, MBSR, DBT, CBT, and SFBT.
We offer in-person and virtual services – contact us today to learn more!
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