If you tend to be hard on yourself, you’re not alone. Many of the clients I work with are thoughtful, caring, and driven—yet they carry a harsh inner critic that often overshadows their accomplishments. They say things to themselves they’d never say to a friend:
“I should’ve done better.”
“I mess everything up.”
“Why can’t I just get it right?”
The Problem with Self-Criticism
Self-criticism creates a cycle of shame. Rather than motivating change, it often leads to further shutdown, anxiety, procrastination, and burnout.
When we believe we’re only worthy when we’re performing, achieving, or perfecting, we disconnect from ourselves. This disconnection makes it harder to trust our decisions or believe in our ability to reach our goals.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion isn’t the same as avoiding accountability. It’s about acknowledging your struggles without adding more pain. It means recognizing that being human includes imperfection—and responding to yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer someone you care about.
Why Self-Compassion Works
Self-compassion helps keep your brain in a grounded, connected state rather than spiraling into fight, flight, or freeze when things go wrong. From this calmer place, it becomes easier to reflect, make decisions, and move forward.
Small Shifts You Can Try
If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few gentle ways to practice self-compassion:
- Name the feeling without judgment:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, and that’s okay.” - Acknowledge the context:
“I had a hard morning, and I’m still learning how to handle situations like this.” - Pause for a breath:
Place a hand on your heart or belly and take one deep breath. - Ask:
“What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Then say that to yourself.
Final Thoughts
Self-compassion is a strength—not a shortcut. Over time, it helps you show up more fully, more calmly, and more authentically in your life and relationships.
